Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Me!
Joe Kagle

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Today I feel like the Phone-A-Friend who said, “I have eight advanced degrees and you call me on a question about lacross?” Being a couch potato when it comes to watching quiz shows, I continually want to test my brain skills against the system. Or maybe it is winning the $1,000,000. It has been years and years in which I have said, “I know those answers.” Lately, it has been the new daytime show of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.

To become a contestant, I started the process about a year ago. While waiting for my chance, I studied books like “All You Never Wished To Know About Trivia”. Each day watching the television I would confidently answer all the questions until they got above the $64,000 level. At night on the computer, I played for hours, honing my skills, getting to a million several times. Therefore, when the tickets for the show finally came through the mail, I said, “Why not?,” paid the money for the airfare, booked a room on 72nd Street since the ABC Studio was on 67th, and made arrangements to miss one teaching class.

My wife and I arrived in New York, paying the $25.00 dollars for a taxi from LaGuardia to our Manhattan hotel. The instructions that came with the tickets read that I had to arrive at the ABC Studio by 12:15 p.m. for the audition and my smart, non-test-taking wife was to be there by 1:00 p.m. for a 2:00 p.m. show. We thought that we were early when we arrived at 11:15 but the line was already halfway up the block. In front of us was a man from Chicago and two women with a garment bag (since one of them was to be on the show that day, or tomorrow or sometime); and behind us was a couple who had taken the test six times and a man who had taken it twice in the last year (passing it once but failing the oral interview). The man who had passed it once told me that it was 30 multiple-choice questions taken in 10 frantic minutes. He was right about the length and the “frantic” part. To my surprise, the questions were nothing like those asked on the show. They were much more difficult. Pop culture and current television shows are not my strength. When finished, I figured that I knew about 80% of the answers and could figure out another 5-10%. Two hundred contestants took the test and another 200 followed that afternoon, that is: 400 per day and 1200 for the week. The audience for the two daily shows is 95% contestants.

A comedian warmed us up, stating that the one word for the production was “Laughter.” This “laugh-a-moment” man taught us how to applaud louder than normal (since the studio soaks up the sound), how frequently to join our hands in double time and when to politely stop. We learned how to “whoop it up” when a new contestant came in the arena. T-shirts were thrown into our scrambling midst and conversations were initiated so that information about each member of the audience was gained. In fact, to keep us on task, t-shirts were thrown to and at us at each of the seven breaks in the two episodes. Of course, the audience had to be rearranged between the two shows so that we looked like a new batch of interested, excited viewers. It was a quickly-passing hour and a half of high energy, humor and a few questions. This show will be seen on January 30, 2004.

At the end of the second show (to keep us there as an audience), the names passing the written test were read. I did not make the cut although 10 out of the 200 did. Of those 10, maybe five would be placed on a waiting list for next year. The whole process of auditioning had started in early September and would end in mid-December, with a final pool of 240 for slots that might number 120. These precious, privileged few are then examined for energy and quirkiness, diversity of age, sex, geographic distribution, and just the right television image. Even after the written test, the verbal interview and the placement on the waiting list, there was no assurance that you would make it to the “hot seat”. Now, I understand why the questions from $100 to $1000 are so easy. It costs that much just coming to New York City for the audition (if you do not live in or close to the city). One person in line had driven from North Carolina and was looking for a motel on Broadway (good luck). The final question is: “Would I try again?” No, it is out of my system but I never would have forgiven myself if I had not tried once. It was fun to live the process. At the end, we almost bumped into Meredith with her hairdresser and the studio director. Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? If you are interested, I would recommend at least three years of intense New York Times crossword puzzles to prepare and Valium for the written test.

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